Across the Bay

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Guess Who's Back!

When in need, call up your fake, pseudo-jihadist terrorist group.

It turns out that a group has claimed responsibility for Gemayel's assassination. A statement was sent to Lebanese media, and published by An-Nahar, signed by none other than "the Strugglers for the Unity and Freedom of the Levant."

The group, a fake one, was the same (hitherto unknown) group that claimed responsibility for the murder of Gebran Tueni a year ago. Also, it's the same fake group that threatened to kill the successor of then-UN prosecutor Detlev Mehlis. On a side note, Mehlis told a German paper that he thinks it's obvious that Syria or its proxies were behind Gemayel's killing.

Part of the fake group's statement read: "God has helped us today also in the liquidation of the agent Pierre Gemayel, one of those who never ceased spreading their poison against Syria and the resistance [Hezbollah], without shame."

But I have a better one for you. Here's a prediction: some genius in Syria (or one of its Lebanese pitbulls) will soon make a "brilliant" forensic connection, tying the use of silencers in the murder of Gemayel with a "report" that appeared days ago (before the murder) in the pro-Syria, Iran, and Hezbollah paper Al-Akhbar (as well as a spectacularly hilarious "open letter" published in another pro-Syrian rag, Ad-Diyar, one day before the Al-Akhbar report, by sheer coincidence of course), which was all too innocently picked up by the Bashar internet tool Cham Press, which "reported" that the US embassy has smuggled (you guessed it) silencers!

However, the prize must go to Ad-Diyar's open letter. A constant target of these rags is US Amb. Jeffrey Feltman, and it's no coincidence that Hezbollah has been bashing him at every turn, and that Nasrallah labeled the Seniora government the "Feltman government." Sure enough, he was targeted in these "reports." But Ad-Diyar's creativity went one notch above the rest, when it "confirmed" as "common knowledge" that David Satterfield was "busy training the cadres and leaders of Lebanese militias."

I'll give you a moment to wipe your tears. Mark my words, some luminary is bound to make the suggestion, or should I call it "analysis."

Addendum: I swear, when I was writing this post, I actually typed up that some idiot might also point to the "Strugglers" statement and/or make a connection with the "al-Qaeda" statement that had appeared days ago threatening to attack the government (I posted on that here). I decided last minute to drop it and just go with the silencers story. I should've known. The funnier thing is that it comes from a regime flack (scroll to bottom). I expected it to be pathetic. I didn't expect it to be this pathetic. But given the source, it's hardly surprising, especially when you hear the thuggish threat he made in another media appearance: "America, I think, is going to be forced to bend to that. If it continues to resist, we're going to see more violence."

It just goes to prove, to paraphrase Michael Young (writing about none other than Faysal Mekdad), "how even the tedious functionaries of despotisms end up sounding like the thugs they represent."