Across the Bay

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Pope Juan Cole I

The Pontiff has spoken, ex cathedra:

"... Nor is the Lancet study as flawed as these authors suggest."

Preparations are being made as we speak for an encyclical, which my sources reveal will be entitled Divina Afflata Lanceti Epistola.

One of the signs that Pope Juan Cole was ready to issue the writ was the remark by papal nuntio Mark Cardinal LeVine on The Newshour with Jim Lehrer the other night, that the number of Iraqi deaths was "upwards of 100,000." This led many to speculate that a papal dictum in favor of the divine inspiration of the Lancet Report was imminent.

Given the strong and uncompromising position of the Pope on the inerrancy of the controversial Lancet Report, sources believe that he will be stern on the enforcement of this encyclical on all believers and MESAns. "Ready yourselves for more TV appearances by Mark Cardinal LeVine to ensure the spread of the papal decree," insiders say. Some even speculate a historic, and transcendent (to use one of the favorite words of the Pontiff himself) cooperation with the schismatic Bishop Patrick Seale, who has shown remarkable conviction on the divine inspiration of the Lancet Report.

The aggressive attitude shown by Pope Juan Cole is set to be further enhanced by a recent confirmation by the MESA Conference of Cardinals, sources say. The exact result of the highly secretive council has not yet been made public, but insiders say it is sure to give full support to the Pontiff and his aggressive position on the Epistola Lanceti. It will ensure that school text-books reflect the papal position in this debate on faith and science.